First Day of School

Everyone needs a first day of school picture, right?


Today is also my last day at UPS.

My nephew Jonah would have loved my life today, because it was definitely a roller-coaster. Actually, I suppose it was just one big up-hill, and then an exhilaratingly fast down-hill.

Before work last night, I jumped on the Mars Hill website and decided to check the syllabus for today's class. I thought there may be a slight chance that I'd need to read for today. Sure enough - two reading assignments accompanied by a specific style of notes on each was due today (this was me getting on the coaster). I read a few pages, and then left for work at 9:15. Up until 1:00am or so, all seemed fairly normal, except for a slight concern about finishing the reading (the first few cars crept upwards). But as the boxes ceaselessly slid down the ramp into my trailer, I began to feel my nerves tighten (I'm now beginning the ascent). By 2:00, Dr. Jekyl was gone and Mr. Hyde began to appear. The stress of the Ft. Smith house, the long, physically exhausting hours at UPS, the late nights, the lack of sleep, the academic work that was already piling up (before I even started my first day!) was becoming too much to bear. Literally, I almost began crying in my trailer - I was having an emotional breakdown. And it was happening during the night shift at UPS, which is not the best place to receive sympathetic support. By 2:30, my body was shaking, I felt weak, and I was fighting the urge to throw-up (now, I'm slowly ticking up the hill, wondering if I'll ever reach the top). 3:00 - I race to the edge of my trailer and grap the first open container I can find - I'd rather not discuss what happened next.... At 3:15, my supervisor said I was free to go, even though there was no end in sight to the endless flow of cardboard packages.

I still don't know if I got sick from dinner, or if I had reached the point of physical exhaustion (my scanner told me I had loaded 1100 boxes, so exhaustion wasn't out of the question). Possibly, my body was reacting to the overwhelming stress. Whatever the reason, I'm glad it happened, because I was able to get to bed sooner.

Orientation began this morning, but I was miserable. I didn't know how I could keep up the 30 hour schedule at UPS and still pour all of myself into Mars Hill. I was angry too. I sold my house, left my friends, and moved across the country to a new town and a new life - all for school. A program I might add that requires a lot of cash. So why was I already contemplating how I could "get by" with my assignments so that I could continue to work at UPS??!! This was not what I came here for!

I thank God for good friends, and I thank God that Jason Jost is now working at Mars Hill. After orientation, we walked back to my place and talked. Sometimes, you need a shoulder to cry on, and Jason was just the friend I needed. Ashley eventually joined us after she got off work, and we all discussed what was happening to me. Between the tears and sobs, I was able to communicate my flat-out desire to pour everything into this counseling program. I've been wanting this for so long that I can't bear splitting my loyalties with a job like UPS. Still, I needed permission; I wanted to know that it was a reasonable, calculated decision. I didn't want to listen to my soul speaking to me - it's hard to acknowledge our desires.

But even thinking about leaving UPS brought immense relief. Over and over again, deep breaths found their way into my lungs - life was entering me again. I could let myself be thrilled about school; I didn't need to panic about unfinished assignments. I could have the time; I could have all day!

So, this is where we're at. I'm a full-time student and that's it. I don't know the details of everything else, but for the time being, I'm going to give Mars Hill everything I've got - and I'm going to love giving it to them.